The other day, I wrote a blog post about the marriage advice I’ve compiled over the years. I didn’t think people would want to hear advice from someone who hasn’t been married THAT long, but I was wrong. It was one of the most popular things I’ve written this month. Naturally, folks had some other advice they wanted to share.
My sister tells me that, in addition to the advice Gram gave me, she also told my brother-in-law, “Be good in bed.” (Insert huge blushing emoji here). It’s a little hard to know how one should take that from your new wife’s grandmother, but it is in line with Dan Savage’s admonition to be “good, giving and game.” The Savage Love Glossary defines this as “ GGG: Good, giving, and game. More specifically that you strive to be good in bed, giving of equal time and pleasure to your partner, and game for anything within reason. That means being up for trying things you may feel neutral about if your partner’s into it. It doesn’t mean having to do things that make you feel bad or scared for your safety.”
My mother-in-law shared that my father-in-law (now deceased) would say, “Don’t say ‘You’re the one who….,” and I would add to that, don’t start any sentence with “You” unless it’s a compliment. “You look great in that dress,” or “You were the funniest one at the party tonight.”
Another piece of advice that I’ve read, and which I struggle to use, is: “Keep a few secrets, but only little ones.” Particularly, this relates to bodily functions. My family is big on discussing bodily functions. It’s an outcome of having a grandfather who was a surgeon, and regularly shared stories about other people’s intimate physical issues at the dinner table. But that’s not the practice in other families (who knew?), so asking if someone had a bowel movement is no go. Close the door when you go to the bathroom, don’t complain about small aches and pains (he doesn’t need to know every detail of your period) and perform your ablutions in private (clipping toenails may be the biggest turn-off ever). Obviously, this doesn’t extend to real medical issues or personal fantasies (see above, GGG), but a little mystery can go a long way.
Okay, that’s all I got! Let me know if you have any more ideas!